Blonde Ambition

Back at home, kings with startlingly descriptive names ruled the land.

There was Olav the Peaceful. Harald Hard-ruler. Erik the Red. Another Erik, who killed all of his brothers, was forced from power by Hakon the Good and sent to England, where he ruled York as King Erik Blood Axe (I have to wonder if Erik's wife would've taken that name. Maybe she hyphenated).

My favorite is Harald Fair-Hair though. Harald Fair-Hair was the son of Halvadan the Black. If I were Harald, I would be a bit miffed at Dad. The "Black" might inspire fear in enemies, intimating an inner darkness or sinister cunning. There's a purpose in that. What would 'Fair-Hair' inspire in Harald's enemies? Have them asking for highlighting tips? I would bet Senator Clinton would have a much harder time being elected as "Hillary the Blonde".

As it was, Harald's dad must've inspired some real Oedipal or Boy-Named-Sue angst in him--because he and his armies beat all comers. As leader, he was the first convince various kingdoms to come together in a united Norway around 872 AD. The story goes that he did so to get carnal with a certain woman, who said she could never be with a man whose kingdom wasn't even as big as Denmark's. Harald, Harald... forever trying to prove himself to others.

Oh, one more little factoid: another Norwegian named Leif Eriksson had already explored the coast of North America. If he'd been a touch more curious (or Norway more imperial) we might be celebrating Eriksson Day in Washington, D.E. (actually, we do celebrate Eriksson Day a day before Columbus Day, but most people aren't aware that they are celebrating it. They simply feel oddly Norwegian, and feel a predeliction for using several consonants in a row).